Mr. Potato Head

So I tutor one of my friends' students. I really dont do much more than speak to her and read stories with her, the whole goal is to get her to speak English. She's five, which means half the time she's adorable, the other half she makes me want to pull my hair out. 

Today she told me the rather interesting story of how "the water beat" her. Yes, she was "beaten up" by water. What had happened was that she was trying to open this little cup of water and cut herself on the lid. She was appalled. And no matter how often and in how many different ways I tried to explain to her that water will generally not beat anyone up, she was rather insistant. After a good 15 minutes of debate about this, we read a story. "Reading a story" usually consists of her yelling "Miss, I tell you!" and then not even really making up a story about the picture, but blurting out whatever she sees in the picture. This frequently involves her adding invisible things to the picture. Today she asked me if I will take the elephant out of the story. After I said I dont think I will be doing this anytime soon, she explained to me, well I couldnt really do it anyway. Not because its impossible, but because she had already taken it out herself. I asked her where she was hiding it, because her hands are quite small to hide such a big thing. At this I was looked at like I really had no idea how the world works. Because the elephant was of course NOT in her hand. Well...it was, but she wasnt holding it. Oh no, the elephant had been slipped through the cut which was caused by being beaten up by the water. And was now IN her hand, well actually it was IN her finger. However when I started to "take her seriously" on this, she was not amused...she didnt really want an elephant in her hand, and I sometimes forget that being the teacher, she assumes (correctly most of the time but not always haha) that I have all the answers, so if I really think its in her finger...then there is a distinct possibility that it really is. 

The next highlight came when we turned the page of said story and in the bottom left corner was Mr. Potato Head. She stared at him...REALLY stared at him. She then furrowed her brows and said "Miss...what is THIS?!" and I said "uhm...its Mr. Potato Head". This opened up the following dialogue:

"He is POTATO Miss?!"

"yes, he's a potato"

"but WHY Miss?"

"I dont know, he just is" (very informative I know)

pointing to his admittedly rather large mustache: "Miss...WHY he have THAT?"

"because he is male, but its only a story, he's not real"

"this potato...POTATO?!"

"yes, he really is a potato"

She then started laughing. And she laughed the way a child does when they find something really funny, to the point where she was about to hyperventilate and nearly fell off her chair.

"Miss, I tell Babi (her dad) *cackle, giggle, snort, laugh* I tell Babi this Mr. Potato."

"His name is Mr. Potato HEAD."

"This name for Babi?"
"Say "thats Babi's name, not this name for Babi, and no, its not your babi's name, its the potatos' name" (this of course conjured up visions of her running to her dad yelling "Babi Miss Vanessa said your name Mr. Potato Head"...not funny.)

"Miss....I dont like him, I dont like Mr Potato Head...and I dont love him!"

"Ok..."

"Do you like Mr Potato Head?"

"Yes, I like him"

"Miss do you LOVE him?"

"No I dont LOVE him."

"Good...Miss, I dont love him and I dont like him. And I no eat potato now!"

"Why wont you eat potato anymore?"

"BECAAAAUUUUUSSSSEEEEE, Miss, I dont want to eat black thing...ugh" as she pulls a face.

The "black thing" is his mustache. Her biggest fear now is that all potatoes have a mustache, maybe an invisible one that she just cant see, but they have a mustache. And at least for today nothing I said to her could convince her otherwise. However as long as this particular Mr. Potato Head was still in the story (and not hiding in her finger along with the elephant) she felt fairly safe. 

I was relieved to see that Babi was not home when I left. Because I already have issues with Babi. Issues is probably the wrong word...but Babi is fairly good looking, and this is not helped along by my friend who whenever he picks up his daughter from school starts giggling and then takes great pleasure in telling me how he makes her blush. So when I see him, I think of her giggling, that makes me want to giggle. Then about a week ago we had a conversation which I at some point realized was not quite appropriate. Now I say not quite appropriate because he is a a married man. He told me he would be going to Miami soon. To which I said "oh lucky you!" to which he said "its not so lucky if youre only going there on a course" to which I responded with "oh..yeah I guess youre right"...this was the moment I realized what I'd just said. Really? I mean REALLY? What else would he be going there for? The clubs? The bikini-clad big boobed women? awkward.....So I tried to fix that little issue with "but at least you get to travel!" which he agreed with. However...throughout the conversation he managed to say the word "Miami" so often that it reminded me of K. (my K, not Dee's K) and of the song he had on repeat for a while...this being "I'm in Miami Bitch". So now, whenever I think of the girls' dad, not only do I think of my giggling friend, but I also have the song "I'm in Miami Bitch" playing in my head.....the same happens when I see him. Unfortunately for me, I'm fairly certain that after today's lesson, at least for a while, to me he will be Babi aka Mr Potato Head, who is soon off to Miami....Bitch.

*V